Sunday, January 23, 2011

to hat or not to hat
a little shout out to the hat lady

i really have no business wearing this hat as i am neither an 80 year old woman nor do i belong to a bridge club. i dig fancy hats though and sometimes i think i was born in the wrong era. but then i remember that if i could never leave the house without wearing a skirt, hose, heals and lipstick i'd probably never actually leave the house at all and i realize i'm right where i should be. nevertheless i bought this hat on a whim a few weeks ago and darek has twice vetoed it when i've put it on for church. i trust his vetos when i've made a fashion faux pas but i'm thinking i just might override that veto one of these days.
what do you think? to hat or not to hat?

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so this little photo shoot is actually less about whether or not i can pull off the role of church hat lady in my ward
and more about trying to get beck to take a step or two on his own.
but as he prefers pulling down my skirt to taking steps we are still waiting.

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this post is also less about anything i've said do far and mostly supposed to be about the hat lady in my ward growing up.
my parents were with me on the little shopping spree that brought this hat into my life
and its purchase spurred a little reminiscing about the hat lady...

she was 300 hundred years old and owned 500 hats and i'm sure never wore the same hat two sundays in her life. i loved her. and she loved everyone. every week we'd await her entrance to witness the spectacle. the hat i remember most vividly was huge and brown and fuzzier than peter cottontails' cotton tail. it looked like a grizzly bear parked its behind right atop her head.
i sort of (really) hoped she'd bequeath me some of those hats someday.

anyway, my funniest memory of this woman, which i shared with my parents and had us all in tears laughing occurred one sunny afternoon in the land of leisure, in other words leisure world. leisure world is a retirement community in my hometown. one day the youth were all there digging and dunging the little garden plots as a service project. this sweet lady was so grateful for our service that she brought a little treat out to share with us. she loved my mom and so by proxy loved me and therefore first approached me and all my friends offering her goods. i remember it so distinctly. i'm sitting on the curb, surrounded by everyone in the known world. hat lady approaches. she leans down in front of me, offers cookies, all smiles and gratitude. i look up, take a cookie, all smiles and gratitude. suddenly something is happening. i may be mistaken but it appears to me that she getting closer. leaning down. and is it just me or are her lips puckered? all things warp into slow motion. oh dear. i'm not sure what's happening but i'm thinking it might have something to do with this woman kissing me. right here. in front of a million people. mere seconds pass but it feels like a lifetime. it might be her 300 hundred year oldness but she also seems to be aiming for something. yes. she's aiming for me. no, she's not aiming for my cheek. yes, she's aiming for my lips.
my. lips.
what do i do? do i turn the cheek? do i turn the other cheek? will it hurt her feelings?
i love her. i can't hurt her feelings. i'm just going to have to take one for the team. all this thought has passed through my head in less then 2 seconds.
she's coming. she's puckering.
i'm squinting. i'm cringing.
and then i do it too. i pucker. and it happens.

she kisses me
on the lips
sticky little old lady lips
right on mine

and everyone's watching

i smile
she smiles
she moves along

was that legal?

i'm shell shocked. two seconds of silence.
then the onslaught of questions from all my friends around me
why did i kiss her? how could i let her kiss my lips?
why didn't i turn my cheek?
or perhaps the other cheek?

but what could i say? she was the hat lady. i loved her and she loved me.
and she kissed me
on the lips

.the end.

5 comments:

Me said...

Awww! I love her too! That story is sooo incredibly funny and more funny because I can ACTUALLY see her doing that! I loved the pink and purple-y Easter ones. Sweet sister. I think she might be 400 now... I'll have to check it she's still ticking. :-)

And YES! I love that hat and I definitely think you should wear it! You might even add a feather if you dare. :-)

Annie Ditto said...

Way to give kisses to the hat lady!! You probably made her century... I think you look GORGEOUS in the hat, you should become the new hat lady!! I veto Darek's veto...

Crazy Lady said...

now THAT is an awesome story

love the hat, wear it. if not to church, other places and definitely shopping. i think it could even go casual.

familia Bybaran said...

Yes to the hat! You can pull it off! You always have such an effortless style and I would go with your gut with the hat. It will grow on Derek.

Sue Ann said...

Life is so darn interesting! The Beloved Hat Lady is incredibly alive! I mean ALIVE! She is full of faith, fortitude, and fun, and yes, still dresses to kill. She is friendly with everyone, especially the "youth" who still serve her and admire her distinctive style.
And, by the way, we all love your sweet parents, who paid a recent visit, YAY!
Blessings to the McCoys!